Praise that works: praise the effort, not just the result

We want our kids to feel good enough. That’s why we praise them a lot. But the way we praise can make a difference in how a child handles challenges.

Praise what your child does

“You’re so smart” is about something your child is. “You kept going, even though it was hard” is about something your child did. The second kind of praise tells your child that effort matters, and that they can get better with practice.

Be specific

“Nice drawing” is lovely to hear. “I can see you used lots of colors for the sky, and the dog has a long tail” is even better. It shows that you really looked, and it invites a conversation.

Ask instead of judging

“Tell me about your drawing.” “Which part are you happiest with?” That way your child learns to evaluate their own work, instead of always looking for a grown-up’s verdict.

Acknowledge the feeling

“You look proud!” puts words to your child’s own joy. Your child’s feeling is at the center, not your judgment.

Not too much, not too little

Praise given for everything loses its value. You don’t need to praise every time. Sometimes it’s enough to be there and share the joy.

Small everyday exercises

• Ask at dinner: “What did you practice today?”
• Share something you struggled with and learned yourself.
• Make a poster with “Today I will …” and talk about what your child has tried.

From My Mini Mindset

Want to bring these words into everyday life? Here are materials with your child’s name and a figure that looks like your child:

• The “Today I will …” poster
• Kind words cards